Out, Standing In Her Field

The phone rings.

ME: “Hello?” There’s a strange man on the other end.

Dude: “Um. Hello… Hello? Who is this?”

ME: “Well, I don’t know. Who were you calling?”

[I get lots of wrong numbers; I’ve always wanted to use this line. This guy sounded ripe for it.]

Dude: “Um, my wife. You’re not my wife?”

ME: “Unless your name is Moody, probably not.”

Dude: “Are you sure?”

ME: “I suppose something could be arranged….”

Dude: “But, then… that would be bigamy.”

ME: “Not if we lived in Utah.”

Dude: “Oh. I should hang up before I get into trouble…”

ME: “Yup, with your wife.”

Dude: “No, with you!”

ME: “Like I said….”

Dude: “Are you SURE you’re not my wife?”

ME: “Positive.”

Dude: “Oh. Okay.”

ME: “Have a nice life. Give my regards to your wife.”

*click*

(When you find her, Dude. Oy. I suppose this guy is going to breed, too….)

I know this is an infringement of copyrights, and my apologies to the Associated Press, but I just couldn’t pass up this image found on CNN’s website:

Doesn’t that Presidential Seal in the background look just like a halo?

Oh, yeah. I remember that…. John Ashcroft lost a bid for re-election to a dead guy. Now he’s Witch-Finder General, draping clothes over semi-nude statues of the Goddess of Justice.

Under Ashcroft, Justice is not only blind, but bound and gagged.

This poem has been circulating around the internet for years. It may be humorous, but it also speaks to the need that Pagans have to “walk the talk” in order for non-Pagans to take us seriously as a faith group:

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, “What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet.”
“My child,” She said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.”
“You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
“Because in life, there comes a time
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”
anonymous